Posts Tagged ‘tina fey
Gosh hi! Oh my, hey! I see lots of you out there!
Hello America and welcome to my inaug . . . inau . . . gosh darn it.
First presidential address! Couldn’t see that but I’m OK now, thanks.
It’s just so amazin’! Bein’ a hockey mom, you know. And a proven maverick. And then one day some guy from some political thing, like a year ago maybe, asks about bein’ vice president. And of course you don’t blink. Just don’t blink. And now I’m here on this podium! So I never expected to be here, that’s for sure. I thought, you know, “it’s the VICE president, right?” Not the real deal at all. But America, hey, that’s our country. Thank you.
I understand, too, what with all that’s happened, John McCain–bless his heart–just leaving us like that. Just dropped to the ground, then didn’t move. Like a shot, real sudden, but I didn’t hear gunfire. He was a stiff guy–didn’t move well, as was known. But I didn’t expect him to go so quick! But if you’re a maverick, I guess that’s how you go. One minute a fightin’ maverick, taking those shots, and the next, game over. That arm, you know. Definitely a concern. And I said, about the decision on those medical records I said, “I don’t know.” But that’s what’s done and his reward’s in heaven, as they say.
But geez. I mean, he sort of left us in the lurch, don’tcha think? Nothin’ against him, but I thought he’d be around at least a year, right? I mean, just bein’ honest, I thought that was the deal. A year of on the job training, at least. That’s what I was promised. But to not even make it to Inaugural Day. To just be thrown into this.
And then the Democrats, you know, sayin’ we need a do over, right? Which I don’t blame them. But that Supreme Court up in their chambers they said, “No, President elect keels over like that, it’s the Vice-President is the new President.” And that’s what they said and the thing about that court? It’s the law when they say it. That’s our system.
And so now, though, the American people wanted change, and believe me, with Aunt Sarah, change is what you’re gonna get. And those Democrats were sayin’ they were change, but I have two words for them, which are: Just wait. They may have won a Congress majority but we’ll see just what we need Congress for, exactly.
Now, as for Katie Couric. First off, there’s a war on. And I don’t know if everyone realizes? But there’s press-a . . . press . . . precedence for in times of war you are not allowed to embarrass the President. So I have an announcement, which is that we have some things down at Gitmo that require Katie’s immediate attention. If you know what I mean. Sorry, Katie. God love ya.
Let that be a lesson to all the press, too, from here on.
And that Tina Fey, too. You know, I laughed at that, but there are lots a things you do on the trail that maybe you don’t like. So Tina Fey, you’ll be hearing from us as well.
Now, as for the Second Coming, which is, of course, much on everyone’s minds. As many of you know, and the Wasilla Bible Church of my hometown also said, the Second Coming is real, and Christ is already come for those with a true servant’s heart. And you know who you are. That is why I’m proud to announce today my first initiative as President: War with Iran. As a great man once said: The bombing begins in five minutes.
Now, for the earmarks. I know John McCain stood against those, because he was a brave man. Very brave, standing like that. And a maverick, too, lest it be forgotten. And also known. So we’ll be exercising the line-item, whether Congress likes it or not. And those signing statements, too. Gonna enforce those, finally. So that’s one thing.
I have other plans, too. After Iran, there are probably other countries we need to obliterate. Northern Pakistan, for instance. Don’t know if that’s a country, really, but seems like it might need to go. Then we have North Korea. And then maybe Russia. These are some of them yes.
We also have a list of books, and of my enemies, and there’s also a certain state trooper in Alaska who can kiss his pension goodbye, and who better be looking to move to Canada if he know what’s good for him. Mike, if you’re listening, Todd is already on a flight to Anchorage, and he’s got his shotgun and dog team waiting for him at Ted Stevens International.
Well, that’s all for now. I’m just so excited to be movin’ into the White House. I’ll be giving more speeches as we get more into this President thing, sorta figure it out, you know. No press conferences, though. I’ve learned my lesson on that one.
Thank you, America, and God bless!
What a joke. Less than 30 days until the election and the McCain campaign is trying to get Palin on SNL to parody Tina Fey. Gee, thanks McCain…way to be serious and focus on the issues that are facing this country. We have the highest unemployment rate in almost 10 years, our financial markets are collapsing all around us, people are losing their homes left and right, and your campaign is thinking about putting the Vice Presidential candidate on SNL. Excellent.
John McCain, your campaign from start to finish has been an embarrassment of drastic proportions. You have lied to us, you have smeared Barack Obama when you promised you wouldn’t, you have stooped to the lowest levels of indecency with your choice for a running mate, and you have shamed your entire party.
Everything about the McCain campaign is disgusting and I see people and talk to people every day who feel the same and who are ashamed that we even have this type of candidate running for the highest office in our land.
Republicans and Independents are shifting their loyalties. Every swing state is turning to support Obama – Virginia, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Florida…all Obama states now. The McCain campaign has lost the trust and the affection of this nation. On November 4, 2008, we need to send a clear message to our politicians. No more stupidity, no more blatant lying, no more smearing, no more below the belt politics, no more idiocy, no more ignorance. We know better. We are more informed. We are more active. We communicate with each other more. We are a nation unified by our desire to make America BETTER. And we know that we cannot accomplish that with the likes of John McCain and Sarah Palin.
Barack Obama and Joe Biden ’08
From Huffington Post…
Dear Ms. Fey,
We, the people, need you.
We need you to be Sarah Palin each and every Saturday night, live from New York.
How else to explain the sudden about face of Governor Palin’s popularity in the polls just days after your brilliant spot-on impersonation on one of the highest rated Saturday Night Live‘s in the show’s history? The hair, the glasses, all perfect, but truly it was the flat mid-western accent, the lip-lick, and the insipid comments which did seem like they came directly out of Palin’s mouth (“I can see Russia from my house!”) made you question whether it was real or was it Memorex.
Frighteningly, it was too real.
From the Friday before the skit on SNL aired to the following Tuesday, Palin’s approval rating dropped ten points. Coincidence? I think not. After all, people in this country are tending to be more influenced by who or what they see on entertainment television, more so than on broadcast news or in print. Americans tune into Jon Stewart for their political appetites more than ever ( and why not). So when you, Ms. Fey, don your Palin wig, you influence millions of voters more than Charles (“Charlie”) Gibson or Brian Williams, Paul Begala or that anorexic blond McCain spokeswoman ever could.
And I think its your responsibility to do so, or else we face the consequence of a woman in the White House who would strive to take away your daughter Alice’s right to choose along with every other woman’s in this country.
Most of us who read the Post are already scared out of our wits of what this woman could “accomplish,” should she reach the Vice Presidency or beyond. Abortion outlawed even in the case of incest or rape. Global warming research dismissed. Polar bears left unprotected, not to mention moose murder celebrated. But you, Ms. Fey, have the ability, with just a wink and a smirk, to change the minds of millions of casual viewers and even more casual voters, to educate them as to what this woman stands or doesn’t stand for. These viewers don’t react to a radical move like Republican Senator Chuck Hagel coming forth to question Palin’s credentials or credibility, or really care about what political pundits prognosticate on cable news shows. Whether you like it or not, whether you believe it or not, many swing-state voters get their information and cue from you, Ms. Fey, and you need to provide as much of it as one woman possibly can, before the election is upon us and it is too late.
Comedy can cure and comedy can enlighten, but it must be a constant to reach enough ears to change the hearts and minds of this country, Ms. Fey, and not a minute more can afford to be wasted. So smear on your lipstick, get that slightly crazy look on your face, sharpen your No. 2 shotgun and get to work.
When you won your three Emmy awards the other night (congrats on that, by the way) you wondered aloud:
“I want to be done playing this lady Nov. 5. So if anybody can help me be done playing this lady Nov. 5, that would be good for me.”
Well, I think it’s obvious. That person is you.
Save us, Tina Fey. You may be our only hope.